Guitars make noises, and then ladies make panty-mess.

I’m a guitarist of sorts. I’ve been playing since I was 16 (which makes… nearly 6 years). I’m completely self-taught. In most circumstances, that would mean that I’m terrible at the guitar. If I may blow my own trumpet, however (pluck my own guitar?), I’m at least above average.

It interests me though, that now, after 6 years of playing it by ear, I can pick out five of my main influences in my guitar playing. Most people will cite Ywngie Malmsteen, Joe Satriani, one of those insane people from Dragonforce, Dream Theatre or even Van Halen (god forbid). I suppose that my inability to ’shred’ and my half-assed ‘tapping’ is probably what keeps those folks off of my list.

So, here’s my top five most influential guitarists, with respect to my own personal style.

1. Frank Zappa

This man’s guitar prowess was relatively overlooked by guitar fans. This is probably because of his tendency for the angular, polyrhythmic, dissonant, and unstructured. Having been influenced largely by both the blues guitar and german avant-garde classical music, the fusion of the two would no doubt be somewhat jarring for most listeners, particularly those who had grown used to Jimmy Page in the 70s.

Anyhoo, Zappa had this way of playing guitar that was described (by himself, I think) as building a sound-sculpture. He improvised a lot, and it wasn’t standard riffs he pulled off, it was oddly melodic and never repetitive. I take a large part of my influence from Frank Zappa. His solos were some of the first I heard, and his improvisation style is something I’ve been working on for quite some time. Also, his use of the whammy bar is pretty crazy. Check out: “drowning witch,” “watermelon in easter hay” and the solo in “Zomby Woof.”

2. Adam Jones

I like tool. I like tool a lot. Apart from the polyrhythms and non-standard time-signatures, one of the main intrigues for me is Adam Jones’ playing. The main thing about it is that, when I first started out on the electric guitar, I wanted to play along with tool. At some point (I wasn’t even playing tool at the time) I managed to learn how to make pinch-harmonics. Pinch harmonics are a somewhat complicated technique (particularly if you don’t play with a pick) which involves brushing the string with your thumb as its being plucked.

Jones uses pinch harmonics in some of his best solos. If you’re looking to hear some good examples, I would suggest either “Lateralus”, or “Parabola” from the album Lateralus. Both of those songs feature some pretty awesome pinch-harmonics, and I’ve been influenced strongly by their style.

3. Trent Reznor

Not many would consider Trent Reznor to be a great guitarist (least of all himself), but there’s a certain raw “all over the place” style that always blows my mind when I hear it. There are a great few Reznor guitar solos recorded, but my favourites appear in the following songs: Nine inch nails’ “Deep,” “We’re in this together now,” and Jakalope’s “Feel it” (Actually, I don’t know if that’s him playing that solo, but I like it anyway). For the most part, I find it hard to play along with Reznor solos (and often his standard rythm riffs) because they’re just so elsewhere.

4. Johnny Greenwood

Radiohead’s lead guitarist Johnny Greenwood is an interesting guitarist, to say the least. He’s a classical composer, and a spokesperson for the little-known electronic instrument the Ondes Martinot. His playing style is characterized by a sense of strain. Speaking of which, I hear he has this special wrist-support dealie that he wears in order to continue playing with such a strain. His guitar tends to come in a gentle flow, which is followed by bursts of intense energy. Some of his best solos are in the radiohead songs “Paranoid Android,” “Just,” and “there there.” I don’t sound much like him when I play, but in some of my more caffeinated moments, I’ve been known to get close.

5. Larry Lalonde

Ler’s a bit of an odd choice for me. I’ve always loved Les Claypool’s bass-playing, but over and under that was always Larry Lalonde’s dissonant, noisey whine. Since Zappa is one of Lalonde’s main influences as well, it’s no surprise that I would enjoy his work as well. As always, whammy bar, angularity, and lack of structure are a main influence of mine from this guy. Some of my favourite Larry tracks from Primus: “Profesor Nut Butter’s House of Treats,” “Bob’s Party Time (Live… from Rhinoplasty),” and “Tommy the Cat” (Those are all awesome claypool tracks too, by the way).

Anyway, those are my top five favourite and most influential guitarists, and a few standout tracks.

I encourage you to give them a listen… and maybe give me a listen, if you can find me.